This is basically to sum up what's been on my mind for the last four months so read on if you dare.
Starting back in high school, I learned how to shut down my emotions and cut out the drama around me. It was was great! I had nothing that could bring me down emotional or mentally, all I had to worry about was if someone could hurt me physically. Once I started my freshman year it was the greatest thing. I could meet people and care about them but once they went away, my life was exactly the same without them. I would take on tasks and extra things to make me feel productive and I handled stressful situations without thinking twice. Fast forward to two months ago...I was the loneliest I've ever been, crying, a complete mental breakdown and couldn't control my emotions. That night my parents met me for dinner and we sat at Olive Garden for hours just talking and working things out.
Can I just say that my parents are such a blessing and I just love them so much.
That melt down was exactly what I needed to move on with my life. Since then I have been praying that God would allow me to feel for people and that He would fill my emptiness and loneliness. It's helped so much.
This has been my first semester at Iowa State and it's been absolutely amazing! My graduate date is May of 2017 and then off to my internship.
Seeing tractors on campus makes me feel like I chose the right college.
In February, my boss moved me to produce. It's been a completely new experience but a good one. I'm honored to manage such an amazing group of fun and ridiculous people. This summer, Fareway is sending some of the produce managers to Family Tree Farms in California for a couple days. It'll be a good experience to learn more about the section and get ideas from fellow Fareway people.
Everyday I get up and I'm just so excited to get to work, even after five years of the same company. Honestly, I don't how it's even possible that I could truly enjoy it so much but I'm really glad I do.
My crazy roommate bought herself a python, River is her name. ! I can look at it without wanting to vomit so there's progress being made.
Abbers and I hit up the Michael Gungor concert. Always fun to road trip with her. It' s been nice having someone to walk through life with and to share in struggles and joys.
My dad and I have been talking about getting one for years and I finally did it. Caroline is her name and she'll be seeing many rivers this spring and summer.
As God continues to soften my heart and heal my brokeness, I am encourage by the verse in Psalm that says 'Restore in me the joy of Your salvation'. It's not about the bad decisions and choices I've made but about God's grace and love that says I'm not alone and that I'm forgiven.
